You may or may not know that I was engaged and as of 4 very long months ago (to the date) am no longer engaged. I still have people asking when am I getting married. It's like being asked - what's your biggest failure in life less than 6 months after it happened - it still stings a little.
But failure, this was not. It stings like failure, yes, but this was a victory. I found myself in the toughest position I had ever put myself in and God pulled me out. No one, not even myself can take credit for the events that have taken place over the last 4 months. With his grace and gentleness, I swallowed my pride and let the fear of God and his awesome wonder-working power lead me, and not my fear of others.
It was painful, awkward, embarrassing. It was nothing I had ever experienced before or hope to experience again. But God sharpened me and at the same time was so gentle, showing me the areas of my brokenness that needed to be surrendered to him while surrounding me with those who truly loved me.
God's power displayed through this season was awe-inspiring. It was the same power that he has to make his will come to life, the power he has to use the weak and powerless for his divine purposes, that showed me the endless possibilities of my life, if I just surrendered it to him.
I'm so grateful. The healing process continues and I can't wait to see what God has for me next. He started with a new job in a new place - very funny God! I'm enjoying being stretched in my new position and experiencing new things. I'm entry-leveling again! The dramatic changes in four months is hard to manage, but God is walking beside me, always speaking softly, nudging me on.The verse I picked when I was baptized at the ripe age of 8(ish) has carried me through my life. It is my anthem and now the extended passage is my decree:
"Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path. I have taken an oath and confirmed it, that I will follow your righteous laws. I have suffered much; preserve my life, Lord, according to your word. Accept, Lord, the willing praise of my mouth, and teach me your laws. Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law. The wicked have set a snare for me, but I have not strayed from your precepts. Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end."
Psalm 119:105-112 NIV
Look forward to more entry-level life posts in the near future (nearer than 2-3 months this time).
