Around the 8 minute mark Meg introduces Emma and the moment Emma realizes she can't fill in the blank after "In case of an emergency contact ..." A couple of weeks ago I got so sick I had to drive myself to the emergency room twice in excruciating pain. The last time I was that sick was probably when I was in 5th grade. My mom was there for me, drove me to the hospital, argued with the physician to get the right solution, brought me soup, took care of me.
Now, it's just me. I couldn't bring myself to bug my geographically closest friend to come help me because we're not that close. As a dedicated introvert (with most likely social anxiety), it took me being sick for two weeks and in isolation for four days to realize the second I was better, I just needed to find my emergency contacts in the world and to help them find me.
In my effort to pursue my "Get Better Challenge" I've been discovering how many other 20-somethings are doing their best to get better in the area of making true friends, not just the ones you call to grab a drink after work. I've been to three Meetups and started attending a Young Adults group at a church by my work. In going around the circle introducing ourselves and stating our purpose for joining the young adults group the resounding reason was "to make friends with shared values."
I'm starting to realize the assumed embarrassment from lacking friendships that are consistent, present and deep, kept me from the one thing I wanted. I thought everyone else somehow mastered this post-college friendship thing, when in reality, that is far from the truth.
So many of us 20-somethings are still moving, shifting, trying new jobs, new geography, new relationships (or at least getting away from the old ones). It's almost silly to assume that not every single one of us would be more than happy to find an emergency contact who can meet for drinks after work, but also sit down for coffee and talk about real issues and struggles, someone who would come give us a jump when our car breaks down, someone to drive us to the emergency room when we are sick.
The hard part is the how. So here are my tips from experience on Entry-Level Emergency-Contact Creating:
- Start somewhere, anywhere: I mentioned Meetup and a Young Adults group, there are so many more options, just try something! Anything!
- Be patient: Emergency-contact status friendships take time and in a group of 15 people you might find 1 and the other 14 you'll call to grab dinner on a Friday night. You might not realize who the 1 person is until you spend a significant amount of time on it.
- Show up/Be accountable: Being a flake won't help you make friends. Living in the Maybe RSVP culture is killing our abilities to find a ride to the hospital at 3am. Agree to try new things, go with the group, and when someone wants to do something they will know to call you because they will know you will show up.
- Contribute: It's not enough to find your emergency contact, you need to be their emergency contact too. As millennials we love the brands and products that "add value" to us beyond what's expected. I don't follow company pages because I love to see their Annual Reports, I follow them because they have fun videos with cool tips that are actually useful. Be useful, add value, ask questions and actually listen!
God calls us to live vertically with Him and horizontally with others. How can we do that if we can't even hold a deeper conversation about real life with other people?
[Check out some of the newly updated links on my Resources page!]
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